Simplifying boundaries

Pressing Pause Podcast episode 98 Simplifying boundaries

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Welcome to Pressing Pause. I’m Gabrielle Treanor, a mindset and positive psychology coach and writer, exploring how we can create, find and feel more calm, ease and joy in our daily lives. 

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Hello and welcome to episode 98. I’ve had some lovely messages and conversations with people who have recently found this podcast, as well as those who have been listening for years, and I can tell you it is always so, so lovely to make these connections. This podcast is a completely free resource to you, there are no adverts and as we reach this 98th episode there are hours and hours for you to listen to, and the whole point of this podcast is to give you ideas, inspiration and information to help you to bring more calm, peace, ease and, importantly, joy into your life. 

So if you ever want to drop me an email to [email protected] or message me on Instagram where I’m @gabrielletreanor please do! I’d love to hear from you.

And I know every podcaster says this but it’s with good reason, if you enjoy this Pressing Pause podcast it would be super helpful if you could leave a quick rating or review on iTunes or Apple Podcasts. It makes the podcast more likely to be found so others can listen to, and you’ll make my day as well.

And, one more thing before I crack on with the episode, if what I share here strikes a chord with you there is plenty more to help you live the calm and joyful life you want on my website gabrielletreanor.com. There are free guides, and blog posts as well as courses and info on coaching with me. You can find it all at gabrielletreanor.com so hop on over there and have a look.

Now, onto episode 98. I have a question for you: What are your first thoughts when I say ‘boundaries’? Perhaps it makes you think of erecting invisible walls and fences. Or it sounds like a big deal, something that will take time and effort to get your head around. 

Or something you’re tutting at yourself for not having. Or you know the word but you’re not entirely sure what it means, aside from a literal boundary like a garden hedge. 

Boundaries can sound and seem like a big thing that you need to figure out, put in place and defend. And potentially upset people with. There’s a lot to talk about on the topic of boundaries, far more than I can fit into one podcast episode but at the same time they’re not as mysterious, onerous or as conflict-making as they might seem.

There are lots of ways to describe boundaries and one of the simplest is to see them as what is and is not okay with you. Put simply that’s what a boundary is.

So, it might be okay with you that a work colleague asks for your thoughts on a project. But it’s not okay with you that they interrupt you every three minutes to ask questions. 

Perhaps you’re okay with someone sitting next to you on a crowded bus but you’re not okay with them spreading out with their legs, arms and bags encroaching on your physical space.

Maybe you’re okay with doing some shopping for a neighbour occasionally but you’re not okay with doing it every week.

We have boundaries in our lives already – big ones, small ones and plenty that we don’t even recognise as boundaries because they’re just a part of how we live our lives. 

An example of a boundary that may not be instantly recognisable as a ‘boundary’ is that you might not mind skipping breakfast if you’re pushed for time in the morning but there’s no way you’re going out the door without drinking a cup of tea first. 

Or you might have an open door policy at work where your staff are free to come to you any time, but taking 20 minutes at lunchtime to go for a walk on your own is absolutely sacred to you. That’s a boundary.

We can think that setting or honouring a boundary means we have to make a big deal out of it. But instead you can think about the boundaries you already have and how you can use the same thinking in other areas of your life.

For example, you might get fed up with how often your family disturbs you and demands your attention when you want to sit quietly and read your book for half an hour. 

Reading is important to you, it helps you relax, and you get a lot of enjoyment from it, and you resent that no-one else seems to understand you want this quiet time. But you think it’s selfish to ask to be left alone when you’re doing something just for you so you haven’t communicated that you want this time to yourself.

Where else in your life do you do something for you, that doesn’t obviously benefit anyone else, and which if someone wanted your attention you’d tell them they have to wait? 

How about when you take a shower? 

Would you step out, mid-shampoo, dripping with water while you answer their request immediately? (Obviously I’m not talking about young children who can’t be left unsupervised or if a loved one has injured themselves – you know, you get the idea.)

So would you leap to attention with shampoo in your eyes or would you shout through the door that you’ll be with them when you’re ready? Or would there have already been some communication so that they understand they need to wait until you’re out of the bathroom before they ask for your attention?

In that situation, and in others in your ordinary, daily life, honouring your boundary is pretty straight forward, it doesn’t feel like a huge deal or create a load of drama. You already have boundaries in place around doing what is needed for you to feel well physically, emotionally and mentally and which you’ve communicated to others. 

So while there may be plenty of areas where you feel you need and want to identify boundaries and communicate them, you may not be as new to them as you think you are.

As I said, there is a lot to talk about around boundaries but it isn’t as clear cut as you have all the boundaries or none. 

You do already have boundaries that you honour in your life, even if you haven’t recognised them as such before now. So, my question for you is, how can you use those already established to help you in creating and honouring new boundaries which will support you in living the calm and joyful life you want?

I hope you enjoyed this episode 98, you can find the show notes and transcript at gabrielletreanor.com/podcast. As I mentioned earlier, you can find lots more to help you feel more calm and joy in your daily life, and create and honour boundaries, including some free guides, at gabrielletreanor.com. And you can always get in touch with me on email at [email protected].

And thank you in advance for taking a minute to leave a rating or a review on iTunes!

So, thanks again for listening, until next time, lovely people.

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