Why this book?

Pressing Pause ep 132 Why this book?

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Welcome to Pressing Pause, I’m your host, Gabrielle Treanor, a coach, writer, introvert and sensitive soul with an inclination to ponder over the stuff of life. Join me as I explore how we can create, find and feel more calm, ease and joy in our daily lives.

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Before we get into the episode, I have a special offer for you! It’s been an age since I did a special offer on my online courses and so I’m giving you 30% off all of them. There are six different courses available, each of them designed to help you feel less stress and overwhelm, and more calm and joy as you go about your life.

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Right then, let’s get to the episode!

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Welcome to episode 132. With the publication of my book, The 1% Wellness Experiment, in less than a month I thought I’d share why I wrote this book.

It all started with perfectionism.

I often describe myself as a “recovering perfectionist” – it’s been a part of how I think and approach life for a long time and it’s something that has lessened for me as I’ve worked on it over time. Contrary to what you might think perfectionism is not simply about wanting to do things perfectly, it’s about a lot more than that.

It’s about really not wanting to get things wrong. Or make a mistake or be rubbish at something (even though it’s very likely you’re going to be when trying something new).

It’s about not wanting to mess up in front of other people or even just not be very good in front of other people. Or be judged or criticised or not meet expectations (yours or others).

And when you do fail to do things well the first time, or you look foolish or struggle with something new you go all in on the self-flagellation.

We take on perfectionism as a safety mechanism – if we only do what we’re pretty sure we’re capable of doing, we can avoid the discomfort of failure, criticism, judgement, being ridiculed and, depending on the circumstances, avoid a real threat to our personal safety. As children we learn from family, friends, school, the media how emotionally unsafe it feels to get things wrong. We believe we must meet their expectations even if we aren’t in any kind of physical danger.

With a perfectionist tendency, it makes you wary of trying new things if you’re not sure of how well it will go. So if you don’t think you’ll like something or you might struggle with it and fail, you don’t try. Procrastination is often thought of as a failing in focus or discipline when actually it often stems from perfectionism – if you don’t start the thing you can’t get it wrong, find it hard, be criticised or look stupid.

If we do decide to be brave and have a go we put so much pressure on ourselves to do well and get it right that it sucks all the enjoyment out of whatever it is. And if we don’t ‘succeed’, by our or someone else’s definition, we see it as a personal failing and a reminder of why we shouldn’t try in the first place.

This fear of being rubbish at something new, of failing or getting it wrong, got in my way for a long time – until I looked at things differently.

What if I loosened my grip on the belief that I had to have a certain outcome and instead what if I just experimented with having a go at this new thing? Without a specific expectation of the outcome there couldn’t be success or failure, it was just whatever happened, and so I couldn’t get it wrong.

Coming at a new task or challenge or experience from this perspective took the pressure off. It allowed me to try and learn without the belief I had to get it right from the start. I couldn’t be scared of messing up because I was just having a go, I was experimenting.

Taking this approach freed me. It allowed to try things I didn’t know I could do because it was no longer about succeeding or failing, it was about exploring, trying something out and seeing how I got on. Depending on how it went I could think about where I needed help or what I wanted to change, decide if I wanted to keep going or set aside this experiment and move on.

Releasing my tight grip on my perfectionist way of thinking and doing by treating anything I wanted (or sometimes needed) to do where I didn’t know if I was capable, if it would go well, if I would be judged or criticised, if I would mess up or look foolish, opened the door to new opportunities, new experiences  – not least of which is writing a book and it being published!

The little perfectionist voice in my head hasn’t vanished for good, it’s piped up plenty of times in the book writing process as I spoke about in episode 128. But now I can reassure her that we’re just experimenting. Having shared this approach with my coaching clients over the years, I’ve seen how powerful it is in allowing people to move past procrastination and their fears, to have a go at what they want and see what new doors open for them.

And that’s why I wanted to write The 1% Wellness Experiment. To provide you with a range of wellbeing tools, activities and habits accompanied by a different approach that allows you to take the pressure off to get things right so you can find what’s right for you.

Because in this book I don’t tell you that you have to do everything I say exactly as I tell you to do it or else it won’t work. I have always found the idea that you must follow these ten steps and then your life will be perfect to be incredibly unhelpful, harmful even. No, in The 1% Wellness Experiment I’m giving you lots of ideas and tools with suggestions of how you can go about them AND I’m giving you the power to decide what you want to do with them. You get to choose what you want to try, if you want to tweak it and try it again, if you want to set it aside and try something else instead. You have your own unique life with your own personality and responsibilities and challenges and the wellbeing actions that work for you are the ones that work within your life. So you can take off the pressure to do it just so and instead experiment with what will feel good for you, what will make the difference for you.

I’ve also got plenty to say about the theory of micro gains which is woven into the philosophy of the book but I’ll save that for another time!

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Thank you for listening to Pressing Pause, you can find the show notes at gabrielletreanor.com/podcast.

Remember you have until Monday 27 November to get 30% off any and all of my online courses, including Calmer Christmas, using the code ‘Black Friday’ at gabrielletreanor.com/courses. You’ll also find words from a few of the people who’ve already taken the courses so you don’t need to take my word for it, you can see what they think.

If you have any questions, want to tell me what you think about the podcast or what you’d like me to share here please do get in touch! You can email me at [email protected].

Thanks again for listening, until next time.