How the book writing process presses my perfectionist buttons

Pressing Pause ep 128 How the book writing process presses my perfectionist buttons

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Welcome to Pressing Pause, I’m your host, Gabrielle Treanor, a coach, writer, introvert and sensitive soul with an inclination to ponder over the stuff of life. Join me as I explore how we can create, find and feel more calm, ease and joy in our daily lives.

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Before we get into this episode I wanted to say thank you, thank you for listening to this podcast. When I came back with new episodes after several months away I really didn’t know if anyone would listen. I came back but I didn’t know if you would. But you have and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. You’ve heard me talk before about ratings and reviews on iTunes and how much I’d love you to leave one if you enjoy listening to Pressing Pause but, whether you do that or not I can see from the listener stats that you’re here listening and that makes me so happy, so thank you.

Right then, let’s get to the episode!

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Welcome to episode 128. I wanted to share with you some of my experience of writing a book to be published by a publisher (I’ll come on to why that feels an important point to note) because it really challenged me in ways that I didn’t fully expect. There’s one way in particular I think you’ll recognise and identify with because it’s something that can create feelings of overwhelm, take away our calm and our joy. It’s perfectionism.

I often describe myself as a recovering perfectionist because I’ve been aware of my perfectionist tendency for a long time, I’ve been working on it for a long time, it has certainly reduced in its power and I also know it’s something that I’ll always be dealing with.

To be clear, when I talk about perfectionism I don’t only mean wanting perfection. Perfectionism takes on many guises. And it’s not something that only applies in the workplace, perfectionism can influence how you think, feel and behave in all areas of your life.

Perfectionism can look like not wanting to try something new in case you’re no good at it, not wanting to look silly to other people because you find it hard or can’t do it.

It’s not asking for help because you think you shouldn’t need to, you don’t want to look like you don’t have the answer, can’t manage on your own, show weakness or vulnerability.

It’s having trouble making decisions in case you make what could be the wrong one.

It’s taking criticism as a personal slight on who you are as a person.

It’s not wanting to let anyone down or to be badly thought of, doubting your likeability

It’s berating and beating yourself up when you make a mistake, get something wrong or don’t hit your own, let alone someone else’s, exacting standard.

It’s avoiding situations where others could form, and voice, their opinion of you, your skills, your abilities.

It’s procrastinating starting a task because you don’t know if you’ll be able to complete it to your own, or others’, standard, as well as putting off finishing a task for the same reason – as long as you don’t finish you don’t have to put it out in the world where it, and therefore you, can be judged.

So you can see how writing a book for a publisher (so it has to meet their standard and not just my own) which is then going to be out in the world for anyone to read and have their opinion on presses quite a few perfectionist buttons!

The fact that I embarked on this process, that I’ve pitched ideas to publishers (and been rejected before this one), tried again and have now written The 1% Wellness Experiment shows that I have made progress with my perfectionism. I write about that in the book – it’s why the experimenting theme of the book is integral because it takes off the pressure for everyone, however perfectionist you are or are not. And what the process of writing the book showed me, as life loves to do again and again, is that I’m a work in progress, as is my perfectionist tendency.

While I was in the thick of writing the first draft and I was sworn to secrecy, I decided to record myself talking about the experience. As I went through the process I knew I wanted to share it with you and listening back it occurred to me that instead of sharing from my perspective today, in October, I could share the recording of myself back in March. That way it’s unfiltered, untouched by hindsight, and you can hear exactly what I was thinking and feeling when I was in the thick of it.

So, here is the first recording I made from 7 March 2023, just after I received an email from my editor about the first batch of chapters I’d sent her.

“I have already written the first, um, ten chapters, and today I got the feedback from my editor. Lots of notes, um, in general on chapters, and also specific things on chapters. And it is bringing up all the feelings. The perfectionist in me is not happy (giggle)!

“Ugh. When I say perfectionist, it’s the side of me that hates not doing things perfectly well. Hates not getting things right the first time. Ugh, it’s really uncomfortable. I mean, why I thought that, you know, I would not get any notes back and that I would be able to write my first book without a single note on it, I, I don’t know.

“But it’s still that instant reaction, you know, the, the, the breathing shortens, the chest tightens, that feeling of, Oh God, I haven’t done this well. I haven’t done this properly (big exhale).

“I was never going to do it well and what is proper when it comes to writing a first book? So, hmm! My editor’s lovely, I sent her an email going, ‘Okay, a bit daunted, but I’ll, I’ll press on!’ and she sent a lovely reply back.

“I’m going to take on board everything that she said. I’ve been through all the notes. They all make perfect sense. They’re completely valid. I’m not disagreeing with any of them at all.

“It is not a reflection on me, who I am, it’s not a reflection on my skill as a writer. This is a new way of writing. There is always more to learn, there is more to develop.

“As I have learned from several other people that have written books, they want to edit it when it’s in the bookshops, they want to tweak it and they want to change things. So, I can see that that is something that I’m going to be dealing with, ongoing, perhaps forever more (big sigh).

“But yeah, I’m going to press on, write the next lot of chapters.”

You can pick up the discomfort I feel with my perfectionist buttons lighting up inside me. And you can hear how I’m talking myself through it, the compassion I’m giving myself and that’s something I’ve learned is incredibly powerful in dealing with and growing from perfectionism.

So why am I sharing this with you? Not because I’m looking for any fixing or solutions for perfectionism but because I think there’s a good chance you can identify with the experience of perfectionism, with my thoughts and feelings, and so know that you’re not alone your thoughts and feelings.

And because the more authors talk about the perfectionism, the fear and doubt that comes up while in the midst of writing the book that you’re also super thankful and excited about getting to write, the more we can dispel the myth that it’s supposed to be totally wondrous and dreamy (that’s a tall order for anything).

Are there any bells ringing for you as you listen to this? Are you already aware of your perfectionist tendency or are you beginning to recognise some of these traits in yourself? I’d love to know.

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Thank you for listening to Pressing Pause, you can find the show notes at gabrielletreanor.com/podcast.

You’ll also find information on my book, The 1% Wellness Experiment, and the bonuses available just for those who pre-order the book at thewellnessexperiment.co.uk.

There are lots more resources to help you to create, find and feel more calm, ease and joy in your life, such as free guides, blog posts, online courses and one to one coaching, at gabrielletreanor.com.

And you are always welcome to message me, I’m always happy to hear from you so email me at [email protected].

Thanks again for listening, until next time.