What my ADHD discovery has given me

A question I’ve been asked many times is what have I gained from discovering I have ADHD? I understand where this question comes from because there’s a fair amount of discussion around why we need to know if we’re neurodivergent, what difference it makes.

What I’ve gained from my ADHD discovery, the difference it’s made to me, is that I’ve been able to let go of self-blame and shame that I’ve carried for nearly 50 years.

I’ve released old stories I took on as well as created myself (and have more to go) that stifled and held me back. The understanding of myself that I’ve gained – what plays a significant role in how I think, feel and behave – is immeasurably beneficial. What I believed to be character flaws, personal shortcomings that I should be able to overcome are now revealed as innate traits due to the way my brain is wired.

I thought I’d share with you two of the key beliefs/identities/stories I’m held all my life which my ADHD discovery is allowing me to release:

• I’m faddish and flaky with no staying power
• I’m too much and not enough at the same time

I’m faddish and flaky with no staying power

When I was a child I had many, many hobbies. They were nicknamed ‘crazes’ because I’d get super excited and enthusiastic about the hobby, and ‘fads’ because after a while I’d lose interest and move on to another interest. I took on the message that to keep changing hobbies, to be excited and then lose interest was not a good thing. It showed a lack of staying power, consistency and seeing something through.

What I ‘should’ have done is pick a hobby and stick with it. However, to try to continue with an activity that no longer held any interest to me felt nigh on impossible! Hobbies are supposed to be enjoyable and the idea I should make myself continue with a pastime I no longer had an interest in or enthusiasm for was bewildering.

I took this belief that I’m faddish with no staying power into adult life. When I knew I wanted to leave my publishing career to work for myself I followed my curiosity and explored lots of different interests to discover what my self-employment could look like. I took an interior design course, a naturopathy course, I made skincare products (called Little Pot of Heaven, I loved that name), I recycled clothes into homewares, I sewed bunting and children’s aprons and bags.

Eventually I returned to a childhood love of stationery and ran my own stationery business (the green gables) for seven years. When I created the wellbeing and coaching business I have now and sold the stationery business to focus on it, it felt like absolutely the right thing to do, as first going into self-employment had done.

Proof I was still faddish

But I was hesitant to tell people about my two changes in career because I thought it was proof that I was still faddish for not choosing one career and sticking with it for all my working life. Never mind that I was in publishing for 15 years, I ran the stationery business for seven years and GabrielleTreanor.com is up to eight years and counting!

Discovering my ADHD explains why as a child I had so many interests and found it impossible to stick with a hobby after that interest waned. It explains why I’ve changed career twice. It’s not because I’m faddish and have no staying power. It’s because my brain wiring means I’m endlessly curious and interested in so many things.

My brain likes newness and novelty and if a hobby or work doesn’t sustain my interest, if I can’t keep being creative and innovative within it, if something else ignites a passion within me, I’m simply not built in a way that makes it possible to keep going with it anyway.

Rather than see this as a failing I now see that my wide range of interests and the different hobbies and career paths I’ve explored and pursued, have enriched my life hugely. I have so much experience under my belt – of different environments and people, creative activities and ways of working, I’ve learned so much and that’s invaluable.

I no longer see myself as faddish or flaky because I know that when my brain is given the freedom to follow its curiosity, to create, learn and innovate, that’s where I find fulfilment and joy, and it’s where I best serve others too.

I’m too much and not enough at the same time

Since I was a little girl I’ve felt that I’m somehow too much in many ways while also feeling like I’m not enough too. I didn’t have this language to describe it until much more recently and so for most of my life it felt like I was, well, just a bit crap.

• Sensitivity to bright lights with strong sunshine giving me a headache (literally a pain in my frowning forehead), loud noises (people’s voices, the TV volume, scraping plates…) or smells (I’ve been taking antihistamines for decades because random aromas spark allergic reactions) made me feel I wasn’t resilient enough to deal with them.
• Being highly empathetic, easily moved to tears and prone to anxiety made me feel I wasn’t mature enough and too sensitive to cope with everyday challenges.
• Finding great joy in small and simple pleasures made me feel lacking in sophistication and too easily pleased.
• Being devastated by criticism, even if only perceived, thinking I’d messed up or disappointed someone, made me feel I wasn’t tough enough, my skin not thick enough, to handle the harsh realities of life.
• A tendency to daydream, erratic enthusiasm and dedication to a task (we’re back to the need for novelty and interest), and a busy mind that jumps from thought to thought to thought (I was given the nickname grasshopper mind) made me feel I wasn’t focused enough, not consistent enough, too scattered and too distracted.

Once again my ADHD discovery provides explanation. It’s not because I’m inherently flawed, it’s the way I’m built. My sensitivity and empathy are strengths, particularly in my coaching and hosting the Quiet ADHD Club. And while slipping into anxious thoughts and being affected by criticism or rejection doesn’t feel great in the moment and is certainly something I’m working on, they aren’t character faults.

I love that I find so much pleasure in the little things in life and I don’t agree it means I have a little mind – remember that phrase?! It’s probably why I find my gratitude practice so effective. Daydreaming and a vivid imagination leads to creativity and idea generation, and along with hyperfocus (when my interest is piqued) is a powerful combination for someone self-employed like myself.

There’s freedom in this discovery

So, discovering my ADHD has been freeing. It hasn’t made life instantly rosy by any stretch but it is allowing me to shed old stories, identities and beliefs that have held me back for decades, untruths that kept me small. And it’s allowing me to embrace the fulness of who I am, knowing that I am neither too much, nor not enough.

This is just my story, my feelings about my own discovery and that may not look the same for someone else. Each of us is going to respond in our own way, and that can change depending on lots of things including how much sleep we had and what mood we’re in on any given day!

However you feel about your ADHD suspicions or discovery it’s valid. You are very welcome here and if you’d like to share any thoughts about what your realisation means for you in the comments below I’d love to hear them.