No-one talks about this aspect of ADHD

“Who’d have thought you’d become someone who runs and drinks coffee?” This was a passing comment from my husband as he chuckled to himself. And it got me thinking.

ADHD makes life so interesting and I don’t see this getting much air time. There’s a lot of talk about the challenges of ADHD but what about how our brains and ways of thinking add value to our lives?

Perhaps like me you thought that changing interests, passing fancies, blowing hot then cold were signs of flakiness, being a quitter and a lack of staying power.

That was the story I was given and took on. As a child getting excited about a new interest or hobby only to then get bored and cast it aside would often elicit sighs, eye rolls and frustrated comments about picking a thing and sticking to it. So I took on the message that to change your mind, to find things interesting only to then lose that interest was not good.

And, being a sensitive child, I took that to mean I was not good. It was a failing within me that I couldn’t pick a thing and stick to it. Even though each time I found a new interest my excitement truly made me believe this was the ‘one’.

This story and its accompanying shame stayed with me throughout my teens and well into adulthood.

Before I left my 15-year career in publishing to work full-time for myself I tried many different paths before settling on my stationery and gift business. I studied courses in interior design and natural nutrition. I handmade cards. I started a natural skincare business (called Little Pot of Heaven 😇). I turned clothes into cushion covers, bags and bunting. I sewed children’s aprons and bags… I turned my hand to a lot of different creative pursuits.

And each time I realised this wasn’t something I wanted to continue with the mean voice inside my head tutted at me that here was yet more proof flaky me couldn’t pick a thing and stick with it.

When I eventually followed my lifelong love of stationery (that’s something I’ve never bored of) and created my business designing, producing and selling stationery and gifts there was enough variety, as well as my deep-rooted passion, to keep my interest for several years.

Understanding why was a game changer

Struggling with my own anxiety, people-pleasing, perfectionism and overwhelm (hello, unrecognised ADHD!) led me to discover the world of positive psychology and self-help books. What I learned and found helpful myself influenced the products I designed and led me to create a second business, under my own name, writing and teaching online courses to help other people with similar challenges.

Over time I couldn’t sustain the two businesses and nine years ago I decided to sell the stationery business (I was proud of what I built and wanted it to live on rather than wind it down) and focus on my wellbeing business, training as a coach so that I could work one to one with clients.

Discovering my ADHD, understanding why I couldn’t pick a thing and stick to it as a child, understanding that it doesn’t mean I’m flaky or a quitter and it absolutely is not a failing in me was revolutionary. It allowed me to shed the shame of my many changing interests and instead see what richness it has brought to my life.

I remember random facts about the inner workings of the digestive system which occasionally come in handy at a pub quiz. I have a deeper appreciation for independent skincare companies (good grief, the red tape involved!). I have a collection of craft supplies ready for whenever I fancy a creative play.

And, as my husband pointed out with his passing comment, my changing interests and curiosity to try new things doesn’t just apply to work and ways to earn money.

When I was younger I was a black or white, this or that, always or never thinker.

As a 20-something living in London I remember declaring I’d always live in a city – in my early 30s we moved to a little village in Surrey and on my 40^th birthday we moved to rural Wales. I also declared that working for yourself was far too scary without the security of a monthly wage – this week sees my 15^th anniversary of self-employment.

I didn’t like dogs since a dalmatian locked its jaws around my arm aged 8 – a couple years into living next to fields in Surrey we brought home our first dog, Georgie, and after she died, we now have Bailey.

I hated PE at school, I’ve tried to get into running many times as an adult including following the Couch to 5K programme and ended up stopping because it felt so hard and miserable – I’m now into Week 6 of Couch to 5K and I’m quite liking it.

I didn’t get the appeal of coffee until I decided I liked the idea of being a coffee drinker, tried a latte with a sprinkle of sugar and now love my morning coffee.

It’s not exhausting, it’s energising

Someone else, with a different kind of brain to mine, might read this and roll their eyes, thinking how absurd it is to try and quit so many things, to chop and change, and how less exhausting it would be to just pick a thing and stick with it. But all the trying, the following my curiosity, the learning new things and the moving on from what no longer holds my interest isn’t exhausting, it’s energising.

Occasionally I catch myself thinking my life would be easier if I did indeed pick a thing and stick with it (instead of embarking on creating a literary festival with zero event planning experience, for example 😆) but I know that’s untrue. It wouldn’t just bore me, it would deplete me, exhaust me in fact. (FYI burnout out isn’t only caused by doing too much, but also by doing too much of the wrong thing.)

Following my curiosity feeds my creativity, it energises me, it supports my mood and I’m pretty sure keeps me cognitively alert too. Yes, I have to be aware of getting lost in hyperfocus and I have scaffolding to ensure I don’t become completely consumed by my newest interest.

This curiosity, this openness to pick up new things which I may end up putting down, to do a 180 on what I thought I liked, wanted or believed, is because of my ADHD brain. It makes my life interesting, it makes me who I am. And what I once thought was a defect I now recognise as inherently valuable and I’m enormously grateful for it.

We have an interest-based not importance-based nervous system so being interested, following our interest and by doing so making our lives interesting to ourselves, is fundamental.

I’m curious (ha!) to know what you once thought was a drawback of your ADHD and now realise is something you value and appreciate? Let me know in the comments below.