Following the new shiny object

Part of understanding your ADHD is recognising your internalised neurotypicalism (not a word but I’m using it anyway). This is all the ways that we curb ourselves, that we tell ourselves what we should do or not do, how we should do things, the many ways we’re wrong… because that’s how neurotypical society taught us we should be, feel and think.

One of the messages that we took on from our neurotypical, capitalist society is that we need to be productive. We need to do useful things that have a goal and something you can hold up at the end and say this is the result of my hard work. But this really doesn’t suit our ADHD brains with our interest-based (not importance-based) nervous system. That’s not to say that we can’t do useful things, have goals and achieve results. Of course we can and if you look over your life you’ll find many, many things that match that description.

But what we also do is stop ourselves from trying things out, from following our curiosity and interest, from exploring and playing. One reason is because it feels frivolous, meaningless and selfish if we can’t see a productive reason for it, if it’s not on our to do list. Another reason is that we learned early on that getting interested and enthusiastic about something then getting bored, dropping it and moving on to something else is not good. Bad in fact. It’s a clear demonstration of our lack of consistency, our failure to commit, our flakiness, right? Wrong.

Following our curiosity until it no longer holds interest for us is not a character flaw or a personal failing. It doesn’t say anything negative about who we are as a person. It just says: this thing interested me and now it doesn’t

Because it was made clear to us that we should pick a thing and stick to it, that whatever we start we should see through to the end, we often stop ourselves from following our curiosity in the first place. We fear that this might be something we one day get bored of so we’d better not start it if we can’t be sure we’ll stay the course.

This is certainly something I struggled with for the decades I was living with unrecognised ADHD. I carried shame for all the hobbies I started excitedly as a child and then abandoned much to my parents’ frustration. I was embarrassed about the many courses and side hustles I started enthusiastically and then didn’t continue with. I cringed inside when I talked publicly about my changes in career from 15 years in publishing to seven years as a stationery designer and business owner to nine years as a coach and running my wellbeing business.

Discovering that my brain wiring means that my curiosity is endless, that my interest-based nervous system means I will always be coming up with new ideas, that I have an endless desire to explore and learn, and if I want to move on from an interest to something else that’s okay was a game-changer for me. It allowed me to let go of the shame, to recognise the knowledge and experience I’ve gained from the decades of following my curiosity.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t bother with commitments or follow through – of course I do, this Quiet ADHD Club is just one example of how I do! As well as having strategies and tools to help myself meet my responsibilities and deadlines (love a deadline!), get past procrastination and perfectionism, I also allow myself to follow my curiosity because I know the value of it.

Because when you take up a new hobby, disappear down a research rabbit hole, explore a new business idea – even if you abandon it at a later date – you’re feeding your creativity.

You’re playing. You’re learning. You’re energised. You’re feeding your brain and your soul

You’re increasing your knowledge and broadening your skill set. You’re spending time in a flow state where you’re absorbed, fully present, relaxed and engaged. This isn’t a waste of time, it’s valuable.

You may be able to see clearly how the thing you got excited or learned about has directly informed your work or how it’s contributed to your life in some way. Or, it may be harder to see the connection. It may seem like that interest was a one-off and has nothing to do with anything else but you can’t know that for certain. That interest may have generated a thought which led to a piece of information which sparked an idea which prompted a solution to something you’ve been stuck on. Who knows?!

It’s all part of the rich tapestry of your mind and life. Every avenue you allow your curiosity to wander down (even if you hit a dead end) adds another thread. That thread may stay on the edge where it adds to the decoration or it may get woven into several other threads, becoming an integral part of your fabric.

And yes, I know that we can’t go running off to follow every fancy and no, I’m not suggesting that you abandon all your responsibilities and spend every penny you have on a whim! But, in our (mistaken) belief that we ‘should’ knuckle down to what is worthy and needs doing, that to follow a curiosity we might later abandon is a bad thing to do, we stifle ourselves and the valuable opportunity to learn, grow, play and create.

So when I have a new idea, when something excites me and my curiosity is piqued I let myself follow that thread. I allow myself time to dream, to research, to spill out ideas, to play, to have a go with no expectation that this will be THE thing that I’ll do forever.

I enjoy the thrill of the dopamine hit, the creativity it inspires and how it energises me

There’s a big idea I have right now that excites me – it may come to nothing or it may turn into something, I don’t know yet. I’m continuing to meet my responsibilities and deadlines and commitments AND I’m making space to dive into research, to play around with possibilities, to dream about what it could look like and who could be involved. Even if it comes to nothing this time won’t be for nothing because there is value in its joy and energy, however this particular thread weaves into the tapestry of my life and work.

Where can you see a connection from when you’ve allowed yourself to follow your curiosity and play to something that became more concrete? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.