Pressing Pause Episode 117 When there’s a worry lurking
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Welcome to Pressing Pause, I’m your host, Gabrielle Treanor, a coach, writer, introvert and sensitive soul with an inclination to ponder over the stuff of life. Join me as I explore how we can create, find and feel more calm, ease and joy in our daily lives.
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Before we get into today’s episode let me tell you about a brand new, completely free mini course that I am creating for you! It’s called Break the People-pleasing Habit, it’s a mini course lasting five days and you can join completely for free.
I’ve created this mini course because I know how much you don’t want to risk someone being disappointed in you. To every be thought of as unhelpful. To be seen as disagreeable or rocking the boat.
You want to avoid conflict and keep the peace. To fix and make things better for everyone. You want to be well thought of and liked, to be seen as helpful, kind, generous, a good person.
You want to make people happy, there’s nothing wrong with that, is there?
Well no, and yes, because there is something wrong when it uses so much of your energy, your time, and your resources, when it sucks up your calm, your peace and your joy that you’re left exhausted, overwhelmed and resentful. Feeling like that on a regular basis is when you know you have a people-pleasing habit.
And there’s every chance that you’ve recognised this and you want to break the habit but you just don’t know how.
That’s where the 5-day Break the People-pleasing Habit mini course comes in!
As well as exploring where this people-pleasing desire comes from I’ll also be sharing real, practical ways you can break the people-pleasing habit while still being the kind and caring person you are.
So, to find out more and join the FREE 5-day Break the People-pleasing Habit mini course go to gabrielletreanor.com/please. I’ll put the link in the show notes too. I hope you can join me!
Right then, on with the episode.
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Welcome to episode 117. I live in rural Wales and, unsurprisingly, I often see sheep grazing in fields when I go for walks. Here’s a fun fact for you: there are about three sheep to every person in Wales.
They can be skittish creatures and very much do follow the pack, as the saying goes.
You’re no doubt wondering why I’m talking to you about sheep, they’re to illustrate a point so stick with me, all will become clear.
So, when I’m out walking past a field there are sometimes a few sheep munching on grass next to a gate and they’re unaware that I’m walking up the lane until I’m only a few feet away from them.
As soon as they get a glimpse out of the corner of their eye that someone or something is approaching they run. They don’t stop to see who or what it is. They don’t take into account there’s a locked gate between us. They just see a shadow, a presence, and they’re off!
That is, most of the time. Occasionally there will be one sheep, a curious, brave sheep who’ll stand her ground. She’ll wait for me to come into full view, see that I’m not coming into the field and watch me watching her.
When she realises I’m not threatening her safety she either carries on eyeing me with curiosity or gets back to nibbling grass.
Now, why am I talking to you about sheep behaviour?! Because the last time this happened on a recent walk the sheep reminded me of how we, humans, can behave around our fears or worries.
When there’s something we’re unsure about, it’s a concern that unsettles us, and it starts to come to mind – we feel the shadow of it over our shoulder, lurking – we can run from it. Avoiding it, pushing it away, not wanting to know because it feels dark and ominous and unmanageable, and that’s scary.
Just like the sheep when they get a glimpse of a figure approaching.
But there’s the other sheep too. The one who looked right at what the rest of the flock thought was a lurking, sinister threat and realised it wasn’t actually as terrifying as they thought.
By standing her ground, by letting the shadow take form, this sheep realised that she was okay, she didn’t need to be afraid and she didn’t need to run. And, in time, she went back to nibbling on the grass.
Now, I’m not saying #bemoresheep but in this instance we kinda can be!
When our worries and fears lurk in the shadows they feel big and scary because they’re an ominous presence. But, when we bring them into the light, when we look it in the face, we often see that it’s not as big and threatening as we thought it was.
Yes, it may still be a real concern but by bringing it out of the shadows we can look at the reality of it, get curious about it.
How true, how likely, how imminent is this fear or worry? What or who can help us to deal with it? What solutions or strategies can we come up with?
And then, having faced up to, perhaps challenged or even dismissed it, we can get on with doing what we want to be doing (our equivalent of grass munching) without the fear of a sinister shadow over our shoulder.
Doubts, worries, unknowns, fears… while they lurk in the shadows they build and contribute to feeling overwhelmed – because they feel too big to deal with.
But, by bringing them into the light and looking them in the face you see the truth of them and find ways to deal with them.
Which brings down your overwhelm, allows you to restore your calm and access your joy once more.
So, perhaps we can #bemorebraveandcurioussheep…
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Thank you for listening to Pressing Pause, you can find details of what I shared in this episode in the show notes at gabrielletreanor.com/podcast.
As I mentioned at the start of this episode I am running a 5-day Break the People-pleasing Habit mini course and you can join completely for free. By the end of the five days you will be well on your way to breaking the people-pleasing habit which uses up so much of your energy, your time and your resources, which sucks up your calm, your peace and your joy so that you’re left exhausted, overwhelmed and resentful.
To find out more and join the free mini course go to gabrielletreanor.com/please.
If you have any questions or anything you want to share about the podcast you can always get in touch with me by emailing [email protected]
Thanks again for listening, until next time.
