Pressing Pause
Episode #67
What does introversion have to do with feeling overwhelmed?
Gabrielle Treanor
14/10/2020
Knowing how introverted you are (or aren’t) and understanding what introversion really is (and what it isn’t) empowers you to recognise what contributes to your overwhelm and so how to deal with and reduce it.
In this episode we look at:
- The differences between introversion and extroversion
- What introversion is and is not
- How your introversion nature shows up in everyday life
- How being an introvert can lead to overwhelm
- How understanding your introversion is freeing, not limiting
Resources:
- Download your free 7 Steps to Overcome Introvert Overwhelm guide here
- Susan Cain’s book, Quiet
- If you’d like to find out more about coaching with me click here
- Come say hi to me on Instagram, I’m @gabrielletreanor
- If you enjoy the podcast I’d love you to leave a review on iTunes so that others can find it too
- If you value what I share in the podcast, and elsewhere, you can buy me a virtual cuppa here
Pressing Pause Podcast episode 67 What does introversion have to do with feeling overwhelmed?
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Welcome to Pressing Pause. I’m Gabrielle Treanor, a coach and writer, and I’m here to share with you ideas, inspiration and actions to empower you to overcome your overwhelm so you can feel calm, confident and in control.
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Hello and welcome to episode 67.
If you enjoy listening to this podcast I would love it if you left a review on iTunes. It makes a real difference to people finding out about Pressing Pause and I do a little happy dance every time I get a new review. Really, I do. And of course if you know anyone who you think might like this podcast feel free to share it with them too!
Now, today I want to talk about how understanding how introverted you are helps you to deal with and reduce your overwhelm.
First I think we need to take a step back and look at what introversion is. Imagine a long line with introversion at one end and extroversion at the other. You can sit anywhere along this line, the choices are not one extreme or the other. If you find that being around people gives you energy, that you prefer to be with company rather than alone and that stimulating environments invigorate you, then you’re towards the extrovert end of the scale.
If you notice that you get tired after spending time with people, that you recharge through quiet time and that you enjoy being in your own company, you’re towards the introvert end of the scale. Depending on how much your energy is boosted or drained you’ll be somewhere in one half of the scale. Someone who feels like they sit pretty much in between could consider themselves an ambivert.
Introversion and extroversion are temperaments that we’re born with. They’re about our brains response to dopamine and what gives and depletes our energy. Neither is right or wrong, neither is better than the other and, roughly speaking, the world is made up of half introverts and half extroverts, it varies depending on country and culture.
Introversion is often mistaken for shyness but it’s not the same thing. Feeling shy is more about being self-conscious in social situations. You can be an introvert and not shy or an extrovert who is shy because they’re different things! Introverts can enjoy talking with people as much as extroverts, it’s just that the effect it has on their energy is different. Introverts may not be so keen on small talk because they prefer deep conversations, getting to know people better, having meaningful connections.
So why am I talking about introversion and what does it have to do with overwhelm? Well, learning about the differences between introverts and extroverts from reading Susan Cain’s book, Quiet, was a revelation to me. I read it in my 30s and for the first time in my life I understood that much of what I had criticised myself for, what I had thought was lacking in me was actually just my introverted nature.
Let me give you an example. A day shopping with a friend – going in and out of lots of different stores, trying on clothes, looking at displays, navigating crowds – would wipe me out. After two hours I’d be done but my friend, who I later recognised as a pretty extroverted extrovert, didn’t tire at all and could keep going for hours! I’d not only be knackered that night I’d still feel tired the next day. For years I thought that there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t like my friend. I thought that I needed to take more vitamins, that I wasn’t getting enough sleep, maybe I needed to do more exercise. But, what was actually going on was that my natural introverted temperament meant that I was being over stimulated, and so felt overwhelmed, while my friend was being energised. So there wasn’t anything wrong with me and right with her, we’re just built differently.
Now this doesn’t mean that as an introvert I’m incapable of going on a shopping spree or that being an introvert means I can’t do things. No, that’s not it. Learning about ourselves, identifying with a label, doesn’t mean limiting ourselves. It can mean the opposite in fact. By understanding my introverted nature I feel freer and more able to do what I want and live in a way that feels good for me because I’m not trying to go against my nature and beating myself up for not being like other people. If I want to go shopping with a friend I do it. We take several breaks so there’s time for me to refuel my body with a cuppa and a slice of cake perhaps, as well as my mind by having a rest from all the stimulus. And I’ll make the following day a quiet one so I have time to recharge my battery.
So by understanding how my brain responds to stimulation and how my energy is drained by spending time with people, I understand what can lead me to feel overwhelmed. Trying to force myself to do more than is natural for me, judging and criticising myself, ignoring my own needs because of feeling I should be different, focusing on pleasing others to the detriment of myself, worrying what people are thinking of me – it all leads to living life in a way that feels overwhelming, a lot of the time.
So, how else can you recognise that you might be towards the introverted end of the scale?
- Given the choice you’d rather hang out with a group of close friends than a crowd – so for a celebration (not in Covid–restriction times) you might prefer having dinner with your friends rather than a throwing a great big party.
- You’re good at working alone – a busy open-plan office can distract and disrupt your focus.
- You like to think before sharing your thoughts, opinions or answers – this is something I could see so clearly when I worked in an office and we’d have ideas meetings. The extroverts in the team would start throwing out suggestions straight away while the introverts often didn’t say much in the meeting but would then come up with great ideas a few hours later.
- And you like to ponder, muse, mull over, this can sometimes turn into rumination and overthinking which is unhelpful when it stresses you out but being a deep thinker is not a bad thing.
- You like to have meaty conversations, getting into discussions and the heart of the matter rather than staying on the surface and making polite small talk.
- As a child you may have been told you’re too quiet, that you should speak up more and be more sociable.
- You look around at what may be quite an extroverted society you’re living in and feel like you should be more like other people.
- And, as I said, your energy is drained by being around people for a period of time and you gain energy by having quiet time to yourself.
Learning about introversion, gaining insight into my own nature, all those years ago was the start of my journey into understanding myself better and by doing so, freeing myself to live in a way that feels a lot less overwhelming. It doesn’t mean that I have it all figured out yet or that I don’t still get overwhelmed at times because I do, I’m human! But much of what was causing and contributing to the overwhelm I’ve been able to reduce or do away with because of working with, not against, my natural introverted nature.
And it’s why I love helping women to recognise their own introversion, wherever they might sit on that side of the scale, because it empowers them to take back some of the control over the way they live their life that they’ve been missing. And that’s when we can really start to get a handle on the stress and overwhelm, and begin to replace it with more calm and joy.
There’s so much more to say on this so I will be sharing more in future episodes! In the meantime, if what I’ve been describing here is ringing a bell with you, send me a message, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me [email protected] or find me on Instagram, I’m @gabrielletreanor. And I have a free guide that’s a great place to start, it’s my 7 Steps to Overcome Introvert Overwhelm guide and you can download it for free from my website gabrielletreanor.com. I’ll put a link in the show notes too.
Thanks for listening, until next time, lovely people.
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